Marriage: A picture of the Christian life

I just got married on Saturday. In the final weeks of preparation and on the week of my honeymoon, I have been hit again and again by the parallels and connections of marriage to my relationship with God.

The proposal

 

This is when the guy saves his money, buys an expensive ring, plans a special day, and "pops the question." He asks, "Will you marry me?" Jesus did this when He came to earth and died for us. He gave up His throne in heaven, came down to earth as a human being, and gave His life to make a way for me to spend eternity with Him. When He came to earth, Jesus asked, "Will you marry me?"

 



I said "Yes!"

 

This happens right after the proposal; the girl, filled with excitement, happily says "Yes!" This yes sets everything else in motion. The guy is on his knee waiting, but he cannot act until she responds. In my Christian life, this happened when I was eleven. I finally became aware of Jesus being there waiting, asking me to trust Him. All I had to was say yes.

 

Wedding planning

 

This is the time after the proposal. It may be months, it may be years. The bride becomes consumed by wedding details. There's the dress, the flowers, the cake, the caterer, the decorations, the music, and on and on. The bride spends as much time as she can to prepare for the wedding day so that it can be perfect. As I was planning my wedding, I started to think that our earthly life is a lot like planning for a wedding! There is growing, there are relationships, there is joy, and there is pain. In this earthly life, I am preparing myself to be ready for my groom, Jesus Christ.

 

The ceremony

 

This is where all of the wedding plan comes to a head. The day is finally here. All of your plans fit together and you get to enjoy it. You present yourself to your groom in a white dress. You vow yourself to him, promising to be true to him. I've started to think of the ceremony as my transition from earth to heaven. On earth, I am spending my time preparing myself to be ready for heaven. When the time comes for me to go to heaven, I will get to see my preparation come to a conclusion as I am joined with my heavenly love.

 



The reception

 

This is where you get to celebrate your marriage with friends and family who have spent time helping you prepare, awaiting the day you would be joined with your husband. In the Christian life, I think this is the marriage feast in heaven. The church, Christ's bride, will finally be joined with Him, and we will celebrate at the marriage feast.



The honeymoon

 

This is the time after the wedding is over. You and your husband dedicate a length of time (typically a week) to spend with each other, getting to know each other more intimately. It is a time of joy. In the Christian life, I feel very strongly that heaven will be like a honeymoon. In heaven, we will spend eternity being intimately connected with God. We will have all the time in the world to get to know Him and to have a relationship with Him.

 

In John 17:3, Jesus prayed, "This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent." Jesus understood that eternal life meant having a relationship with God. Although I can't comprehend it all, I am so excited that God has started revealing things about Him to me. I'm looking forward to how much more I can learn about God through my marriage.

Why trials?

I'd encourage you to listen to this song while you read: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67NOWLH-Nc4

". . . do you not find in your walk with Jesus Christ that when things go well there seems to be a time of spiritual plateau, but when problems come you are more likely to increase your faith?"

I started reading a book called Becoming friend with God and it hit me when I read this that God allows problems in our life only because He loves us. He knows that we need to have faith in order to experience eternal life with Him. Oft
en times we think we can do it on our own when things are going good. We tend to forget God and just live life in our happy little bubble. But when trials come we tend to focus on God and rely on Him to get us through. When trials come we often have more faith because we are looking to God for strength.

This encouraged me because it made me remember that God allows these trials because He knows its the best way to strengthen our faith in Him. His desire is for us to share in eternal life with Him. I've sometimes wondered why God even makes us go through things on earth if the ultimate goal is heaven... but I think this is why--we have a choice. We have to choose God. When things are going well we may not always choose God and so He allows trials to come into our lives because it drives us closer to Him. He doesn't allow trials in our lives because we did something wrong and He wants us to be punished for it... God allows these difficult things in our lives because He loves us, wants us to be with Him forever, and this is how He sees best to make "all things work together for good" (Romans 8:28).

After reading this, I was encouraged and reminded to have faith. God loves me and I WILL make it through. There will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes, I can PRAISE God because He is trying to draw me closer to Him!

Coping

"If I gave up, he would win."

 

Every day feels like a constant battle. One moment, things are going great and I'm feeling positive and happy, and the next minute I am derailed by a dark and empty apartment. I have gotten frustrated by the constant battle and have wanted to stop trying to get away from it and just let it consume me. I've been reading a book by Dee Henderson called Danger in the Shadows. It's about a rescued kidnapping victim who is still being stalked by her kidnapper. She deals with heavy security, intense fear, and frequent panic attacks. In the most recent chapter, she had an interesting conversation with a friend.

 

". . . How do you deal with this? What gets you back to work on the same day a crisis hits? I saw it the first day we met, and I'm seeing it again today."

 

There was an entire part to Sara that he didn't comprehend. If the trauma of last night didn't knock her down, what if anything ever would?

 

"Adam, I've got great coping skills. Don't mistake that for strength. I deal with the situation because I have no choice. Keeping moving is part of coping. If I let any one crisis stop me, I doubt I would ever move again, they happen so frequently. I have a lifetime of them behind me. . . . Adam, God never gives more than I can handle. . . . I'm really good at praying, 'God, keep me safe.'"

 

It drew an answering smile from him. Adam turned his hand over to grasp hers. "I don't understand why you should have to live like this. It makes no sense that this would be part of God's plan."

 

She took another drink of the hot tea he had brought her. "Dave likes to quote that Scripture from Romans 11 that says: 'How unsearchable are [God's] judgments and how inscrutable his ways!' I don't know when this will end. Honestly, I wonder sometimes if it will be old age. He'll get old and die and the threat will be gone. I may get twenty years of freedom at the end of my life. That's what I hold on to, Adam. A dream of someday being free. . . . didn't you once tell me your dad taught you to play football one down at a time? To focus on the moment?"

 

"Yes."

 

"That's how I have to live my life. One day at a time. I can cope, as long as I never let the big picture overwhelm me."

 

Adam smiled. One play at a time. He had spent a career focusing with that single-minded intensity. If that was what it took to live life while under siege, it could be done. He squeezed her hand. "Thanks, Sara."

 

"For what?"

 

"Not giving up."

 

. . . she quietly said, "Adam, if I gave up, I would lose what I do have. Ellen's upcoming wedding. Finishing this children's book. Going out to dinner with you. If I gave up, he would win" (pp. 210-212).

 

Too many times I let the big picture overwhelm me. I am focused on something in the future that I can't understand yet, and so I lose what I have now. I lose the moment. Part of coping--part of living life--is just doing what you need to do to get through.

 

As a child, I dealt with intense anxiety. I constantly told myself what Scripture says in Matthew 6:25-34, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

 

Years later, I still need to remind myself of that truth. I don't need to let the big picture overwhelm me. I'm worried about my future and about heaven, but that is only sucking the joy out of my life today. God knows it all. God cares for me; He's got it under control. God Himself commands me in Scripture NOT to worry about tomorrow, but to focus only on today! If I choose to give up and not push through, my enemy would win.

 

Wow!

 

I am in awe, yet again. My Father knows me so well that He could reveal such a powerful truth to me through a fictional story written in 1999.  What a mighty God we serve!

 

So here's to living life. Here's to pushing through. Here's to coping.



Questioning God

"'O Sovereign LORD, what good are all your blessings when I don't even have a son?'" - Genesis 15:2a

 

Have you ever questioned God?

 

Lately, that's what I've been doing. Today, due to the advice of a professor, I began reading through Genesis with the intent of seeing it as what it is--a narrative. What I learned from this exercise is incredibly challenging and so very much like my God.

 

Abraham's story begins in Genesis 12. And what an interesting story it is. In chapter 12, God calls Abram out of his land and promises to make Abram a great nation. However, at the first sign of trouble, Abram gets scared. He lies to Pharaoh and says that his wife, Sarai, is actually his sister. In chapter 13, Abram and his nephew Lot decide to part ways due to conflict between their herdsmen. After they part, God reaffirms His promise to make Abram a great nation. Uncle Abram comes to Lot's rescue in chapter 14 and then, in chapter 15:1, God tells Abram "Do not be afraid, Abram, for I will protect you, and your reward will be great." Abram's response surprised me. In 15:2, Abram said to God, "O Sovereign LORD, what good are all your blessings when I don't even have a son?"

 

Wait. What was that?

 

Abraham--the father of nations, the man remembered in Hebrews for his great faith--questioned God's goodness. He had received a promise from God and that promise was affirmed two more times. But Abram wasn't seeing anything happen. As far as he understood, in order to be a great nation, he had to have an heir. Abram was painfully aware of the fact that he did NOT have an heir. He couldn't see how God's promise could ever come to fruition. God's response amazed me and put a smile on my face.

 

In 15:5 it says that "the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, 'Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That's how many descendants you will have!'" God heard Abram's doubts and fears and, in response, He lovingly affirmed the truth. I picture God in such a real way here, putting His arm around Abram and leading Him outside, stretching out His hand to show Abram the wonder of His promise.

What happened next was even more amazing to me.

 

In 15:6 it says "Abram believed the LORD, and the LORD counted him as righteous because of his faith." Did you catch that? Abram questioned God's goodness 4 verses ago, God comforted him and told him what was true, and then Abram BELIEVED God. Even though he was questioning God's goodness, Abram believed what God told Him was true. This made me realize something.

 

Although I am questioning God's goodness right now, although I don't understand a lot of things right now, I know what God says in His Word is true. So although it doesn't FEEL like it is true right now, I can believe God ANYWAY.

 

God has lovingly put His arm around me, smiled, and said, "Korrin... my plan is so much greater than what you can see right now. Just know that what I say is true and will be realized sometime in the future. Trust me."

 

This is so much easier said than done, but I am so blessed to have an amazing God who accepts my questioning and loves and comforts me through it. I may not feel like everything He is doing right now is good, but I can believe that it is anyway because of what He says in His word. What an amazing God He is!

 

 

You are making me new

Before you read through this, click this link and play this song while you read. This is what I have been listening to all day and it speaks to my heart so much.

"God's love is his holy disposition toward all that he has created that compels him to express unconditional affection and selective correction to provide the highest quality of existence, both now and forever, for the object of his love." - Chip Ingram

Lately, living life has been a struggle. I've felt constantly attacked since the beginning of the semester. I've been nervous. I've been depressed. I've been so afraid that I had to drop everything in the middle of the school week and go home just to get myself back together. I've asked so many questions during this time. Why is God letting this happen to me? I feel like I have called out to Him, sought Him, and relied on Him during this time, yet I didn't feel like I was getting any relief. Daily life has become a struggle. I have to fight so hard to keep my heart happy.

 

Today, I got fed up. I started talking to God, sharing my frustrations. I told Him what I knew to be true of Him and what I was feeling and how I didn't know how to decipher between the two. My feelings were not following my knowledge--why?? I pulled a book off of my bookshelf that my Mom gave me a few weeks ago when I was struggling with my perception of God. It's called God: As He Longs For You To See Him, by: Chip Ingram. This chapter opened my eyes to one of the reasons for my struggle: I don't believe that God loves me. I know, it but I don't believe it.

 

As I kept reading through the book, I started to cry. The truths in this chapter touched my heart and I felt peace. I felt like I had some kind of understanding about my struggles. The struggles have not been in vain... they are not in vain. God is not some monster up in the sky who is just tormenting me and playing games with my mind. God LOVES me. Chip Ingram made five points that I want to share here:

1) God's thoughts, intentions, desires, and plans are ALWAYS for my good and NEVER for my harm.

2) God is kind, open, approachable, frank, and EAGER to be my friend.

3) God emotionally identifies with my pain, joy, hopes, and dreams, and has chosen to allow MY happiness to affect His own.

4) He takes pleasure in me just for I am COMPLETELY apart from my performance and/or accomplishments.

5) God is actively and creatively orchestrating people, circumstances, and events to express his AFFECTION and selective correction to provide for my HIGHEST good.

 

These five points revealed something to me.

 

 

 
I am a part of the children's ministry I lead because God LOVES me and He knows how much joy they bring me. He knows how much I love them and how much I long to see their lives impacted by His truth and His love. God knows how much I would learn from them and how much I would grow by being able to serve them for 5 semesters. God put this ministry and these kids in my life because He loves me.

I have these three ladies as my close friends because God loves me. He knew how much they would demonstrate His love and care for me through our Bible studies and just being able to have those people that I can text, Facebook, or call whenever I need ANYTHING. God put these people in my life because He loves me and He knew how much I would need them during this time.

God put this guy in my life because He loves me. God knew how much he would teach me about the love of God. He knew how much he would teach me about sacrifice, love, forgiveness, and grace. God knew how much this guy would be my rock during these times of emotional distress. God put this guy in my life because he shows me God's unchanging, ever-present love. God put this guy in my life because He loves me. God put his family in my life to teach me about love, to help me become a better person, and to learn about who God is!


God gave me this group of people in my life because He loves me. He knew how much I would learn from the two people He made my parents and how much their advice, emotional and spiritual support, and love would demonstrate God's love to me. God gave me my siblings because He knew how much having them in my life would teach me about how God feels about each of us. I love them with a passion. I want to protect them with everything that is in me and I want them to be happy. So, so happy. I hurt when they hurt and I stand up for them when people are coming against them. God gave me these people because He loves me.

God put each of these ladies in my life because He loves me. He knew how much one would teach me about love and understanding. And how another would teach me about thoughtfulness. And how another would teach me about going the extra mile. And how another would teach me about always having someone to come back to. God gave me each of these people because He loves me. God put the girls at my church in my life because He knew how much they would teach me about compassion and love!

God put photography in my life because He knew how much joy it would bring to me. He knew how much fun I would have painting with light, and creating images that people will cherish all of their lives because they are photos of the people they love. He knew how much photography brings joy to my life because it preserves memories--good memories. God gave me photography because He loves me.

And I tried and tried to upload a picture of OCU friends, but there was a connection issue, so I couldn't. But anyway... God gave me my time, friends, bosses, and coworkers at OCU because He knew how much I would GROW from them. He knew how much I would NEED them. He knew how much JOY they would bring me.

God has blessed me so much. And I am starting to understand that He loves me. I still have a long way to go, but He is making me new.

come alive

I have always felt like I was meant for more. There is something inside of me that refuses to live a normal life. I've always wanted to be a world changer. My favorite band as a teenager was BarlowGirl. They've now disbanded, but their music and their message has had a major impact on my life. They challenged me to take a stand for something. To be different. To make a difference for God. They were not focused on living the typical life. They don't live the typical life. They traveled the world as a famous rock band for nine years... they have never dated... they seek God and His purpose rather than their plan. I'm finding myself coming face to face with God's call on my life and trying to understand what it means for the future. To me... there's something greater than growing up, getting a job, getting married, and living life. There's more to life than success and fame. There's more to life than love and happiness. There's more to life than THIS.

I have a "deep, dark secret." I've been seeing a counselor. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for the two months. I've been digging through my life--my past, present, and future--trying to figure out where this struggle is coming from. I've been spending more time thinking about my sins... what I believe... and spending more time in the Bible. I've been seeking. Or trying at least. And I feel like I'm seeing God's call on my life surface. My call is SERVING GOD. Serving God more than on Sunday for an hour. My call is serving God with my ENTIRE BEING. I feel like my dissatisfaction with life is starting to make sense. God hasn't let me settle down into that routine. In fact, He's ripped it out from under me when I've tried. I'm not happy living in that routine. I want more. I don't want to graduate college, get a 9-5 job, and go to church twice a week. That's NOT who God has made me to be. That's not what God has made the desire of my heart. And it makes sense.

I read Psalm 48 and 49 today. Psalm 48:14 stuck out to me. It says, "For such is God, our God forever and ever; He will guide us until death." Also, Psalm 49:11-13, 17 really screamed at me the purpose of my call, "Their inner thought is that their houses are forever and their dwelling places to all generations; they have called their lands after their own names. But man in his pomp will not endure; He is like the beasts that perish. This is the way of those who are foolish, and of those after them who approve their words. . . . For when he dies he will carry nothing away; his glory will not descend after him." God is our guide. He is our God. And will be forever. Psalm 49 just made me laugh at how great I think I am. Who am I to think I am something great? Who am I to think I am something that has worth on my own? Who am I to think that I have this power? Who am I to think I am deserving of anything?? I, in my arrogance, think my fame and success will last... but in the end it will all die away and only what I do for God will matter. Verse 17 is the heart... when I die, I will not take a single "A", a single dollar, a single photograph, a single piano key, a positive critique from my boss, or any praise at all from people in this world. All I will take with me is my work for God.

That is humbling. And scary.

I don't even know what to write now. I feel like I can finally see a little piece of what God was trying to lead me to. He is showing me His call on my life--passionate, dedicated, sold. out. service to HIM. Not settling for this normal life, but RISING to this life changing call.

Sovereign

"But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head." - Psalm 3:3

God is sovereign... in every circumstance. I've been reading in the book "Respectable Sins", and was really impacted by the reminder that God has a plan for every circumstance we encounter. I read Psalm 2 and 3 today and noticed a thought pattern in chapter 2 that has been my thought pattern too. It seems like the people being written about in that chapter are planning something; they're getting riled up and worried. They're trying to take control of a situation, but God is looking down on them, shaking His head at their ignorance.

I have that same thought pattern. I've encountered several tremendously difficult situations lately and I have been in a panic. I've been grasping at anything but God trying to fix the problem. I can only imagine God looking down, shaking His head at me. My actions and emotions do not communicate that I trust God and believe He is doing what's best for me.

Psalm 3 seemed to be a redeeming thought of sorts after chapter 2. The people first were in a state of not trusting God demonstrated in their thoughts and actions. Now, in chapter 3, they're recognizing their dependence on God. They recognize that God has a plan; He shields them and sustains them. He gives them peace. The people seem to have come to a recognition of God's sovereignty in their situation.

I'm counting this struggle as a blessing. I was talking to a friend about how I have had a spiritually interesting week and they responded by saying that it was better than dull and stagnant. I couldn't agree more. Even though this time has been (and still is) so emotionally exhausting, I am finally starting to learn. I am starting to hear from God again... and that's the best thing I could ever ask for.

an everlasting covenant

Today I've been struggling with a lot of fear. I've been drifting away from God every day. I feel lost. I want to get back to where I used to be in my relationship with God. I feel so spiritually dead. Tonight, I was talking to a friend about God's commitment to His children. I asked them if God would ever push His children away, or not call them back to Him after they went away. Honestly, I'm questioning God's faithfulness. A couple of weeks ago, I checked out a stack of books from the library. One of the books is titled "50 Reasons Why Jesus Came To Die" by: John Piper. I looked at reason #14: To bring us to faith and keep us faithful. Piper talks about the terms of God's covenant made with the blood of His Son, Jesus. He quotes a verse from Jeremiah where God says, "... this is the covenant that I will make... I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts....for I will forgive their iniequity, and I will remember their sin no more" (Jeremiah 31:31-34). Piper says that the covenant is sure and certain because it is bought with the blood of Jesus Christ. God secures our faithfulness. In Jeremiah 32:40, God says, "I will make an everlasting covenant with them that I will not turn away from them, to do them good; and I will put the fear of Me in their hearts so that they will not turn away from Me." God givesme a new heart and a new security with Christ. He won't let me turn from Him. He'll keep me as His child. His covenant is guaranteed... it is bought with the precious, priceless blood of His Son, Jesus. Here's a final thought I found in Isaiah 59:21. "As for Me, this is My covenant with them," says the Lord: "My Spirit which is upon you, and My words which I have put in your mouth shall not depart from your mouth, nor from the mouth of your offspring, nor from the mouth of your offspring's offspring," says the Lord, "from now and forever."

I just think it's so amazing how God saved me, made me His child, and promises to keep me forever. I'm listening to this song right now... and it speaks my praise to God. It's called "Here in Your Presence":

"Heaven is trembling in awe of Your wonder
Kings and their kingdoms are standing amazed.
Here in Your presence we are undone.
Here in Your presence heaven and earth become one.
Here in Your presence all things are new.
Here in Your presence everything bows before You.

Wonderful, glorious, matchless in every way.
Wonderful, glorious, matchless in every way.
Wonderful, glorious, matchless in every way."

a new take...

Recently, I started reading the Beatitudes in Matthew 5. God opened my eyes and gave me a new understanding of those Beatitudes. I had always thought of the Beatitudes as kind of "if you do this, God will give you this." They always seemed like the kind of statements that tell you to do everything you already know. I guess God gave them a new depth in my heart.

Jesus is beginning to teach on the Law. He is at the beginning of His ministry and is teaching the disciples and the crowd around them. He repeats the word "Blessed" which means "happy", "fortunate", or "blissful." He is teaching the people that, despite what the world says about finding happiness, TRUE happiness comes from being in a relationship with God and being faithful to Him. Jesus is describing what a person with true faith looks like.

In verse 3, Jesus says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." I think I finally understood that this verse is talking about recognizing our nothing-ness without God. The kingdom of heaven is talking about salvation. We CAN'T have salvation without God. Only He draws us to Him, and He is the one who saves us. Verse 4 talks about our sorrow over our sin. It says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." God's forgiveness can comfort His children because they do not have to live in that condemnation; they can be forgiven.
In verse 5 it says, "Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth." I think the gentleness talked about in this verse is self-control. Those who are gentle are not pushovers, but they are filled with God's love for others and are in control of their feelings and emotions. In verse 6 it is talking about those who want to be righteous because they want to please God. It says, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." In verse 7, it describes the merciful person. "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy." Those who are merciful will receive mercy. In verse 8, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." Those who hae pure motives in their heart will see God in heaven. In verse 9, Jesus speaks about those who are peacemakers. "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." Those who keep peace will be God's children. Verses 10 and 11 finish the set of Beatitudes, and I felt they were easier to understand than the others. "Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsley say all kinds of evil against you because of Me."

God convicted me about not putting Him first and not seeking righteousness like a faithful child of God should. God has rewards for those who do what His word says; that is encouraging to me. God clearly lays out an example to follow: recognize your nothing-ness without God, be sorrowful over your sin, have self-control, seek righteousness, be merciful, make sure your motives are pure, keep peace, and do not run from persecution. It's easy to let my selfish desires get in the way of becoming the child God wants me to be; but, I have to remember 2 Corinthians 5:17. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come."

I don't have to feel condemned. I can respond in a godly way to my struggles and keep God at the forefront even now.

What time is it? Summertime!

Adjustment. It's crazy to spend half of your year in one place, and the other half in another. The weather suddenly changed from chilly spring, to warm, humid, summer. I am home, back in situations I escaped during the school year. I have this anxiousness and sadness about these life situations.  I am feeling a bit lost amongst the sudden slow-down in life. Perhaps God is pushing me, drawing me closer to Him. I know some people have been praying that for me. I searched for Bible verses for encouragement for those who are feeling "lost" and here's what I found. "Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day." - 2 Corinthians 4:16. All I can do is hold tight to this truth. Whatever God is doing is to help me grow and be renewed as His child.

sinking in deep...

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm losing all direction. Easter is coming soon. I feel like I have no right whatsoever to feel the way I am feeling right now. Jesus came to earth, suffered, died, and rose again... FOR ME. And yet I have the gall to feel sorry for myself because of difficult situations I'm dealing with. I feel rejected and shut out--though some of it is probably my fault--by much of the people I know. Being at school has provided an escape for me. I feel like an outcast in my own church. I feel like I'm losing touch with everyone and for some reason it feels great to vent to empty space that can be viewed by anyone. ;) I read Psalm 27 last night and it was a Psalm I'm not familiar with. Here's what I shared with people: "LORD, hear my voice. Be kind and answer me. My heart told me to come to you, LORD, so I am coming to ask for your help. Don’t turn away from me. Don’t be angry with your servant. You are the only one who can help me. My God, don’t leave me all alone. You are my Savior. Even if my mother and father leave me, the LORD will take me in. I have enemies, LORD, so teach me your ways. Show me the right... way to live. My enemies have attacked me. They have told lies about me and have tried to hurt me. But I really believe that I will see the LORD’S goodness before I die. Wait for the LORD’S help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the LORD’S help." - Psalm 27:7-14 (ERV). When I read this Psalm, I felt like it was the cry of my heart. I took heart in the last verse... to be strong and brave and WAIT for the Lord. So I slept peacefully with that truth in my heart. Then today has been one big rollercoaster. And my night was topped off when I saw this Tweet by Todd Agnew: "There is great wisdom in being able to let go of something that is good, but not best." Now... I don't believe in coincidence, but the sovereign will of God... but I do think I am easily swayed by things I see. I don't know when to take something as a message from God to do something or when to take something as a test from God and wait to get through it.

I am listening to a song right now (All Creatures of Our God and King, sung by Bethany Dillon and Shawn McDonald) and I feel like it is the perfect soundtrack to my life, particularly because I sang it a couple of years ago with some friends. I still have a recording of that song and it brings such joy to my heart... and sorrow. That video seems to be the mark of a time when we were almost friends and when we almost got along. We worked together and created something beautiful. That's where the joy comes from. The sorrow comes from the fact that it has never been, and I fear it never will be, that way again. There's so much hurt, baggage, and uncertainty resting on those relationships right now and I feel so broken underneath the weight.

I read Karen Kingsbury and identify with the hurt and suffering the characters are enduring, but there's always a happy ending. There's always a specific divine message that's clear and the characters understand and know what it is. I wish I had that. I feel so lost in this cloud.

I guess all I can do is ask the Lord to hear my voice and answer my cry. I pray that I can make it to Easter with a joy in my heart because of what He did, even if I am filled with sorrow.

Joy

Dear Silent Friend,

It's only 3 1/2 weeks into the semester, but it feels like months. In that time God has done some crazy things. I lost my roommate, and have been experiencing some tough confrontations from God about some things in my life. Having my roommate move out is not tragic or terrible, but all of a sudden I feel like I have no connections to people anymore. The people who seem to care about me most are the people I work for and my teachers. I have lost a lot of motivation to practice my instruments, walk to the cafeteria to eat, and do anything productive. I feel like some decisions I have made have cut the joy out of my life. I have a weight pressing down on my heart and can't seem to get it to go away.

That said, I've been hearing a lot of things from God lately, but acting on them has been tough. Maybe this "weight" is God's reminder that I haven't done what He's shown me. I am always afraid that I'll do something, thinking it was God, and then turn out to be wrong. I've waited and prayed... and I feel like I have gotten the same answers and guidance from Him, I am just afraid to act.

Joy is my middle name, but it's missing from my life right now. I want my joy back...

Love,

Korrin

new years resolution: be still and know that I am God

Starting off the new year making a commitment to set aside a time with God every day.

My devotion today was about prayer--actually part of the devo was about being still and knowing God (coincidence? I think not!). Prayer is not for the purpose of getting what I want. Prayer is a gift given to us by God to learn about Him and discover His will. It's another way to worship God. Prayer requires listening--being open and receptive to what God has to say. We're to pray in a way that shows we trust God with the outcome.

My devo book asked an application question: What is one specific thing you will do to change and improve your communication with God?

I have two ideas:
1. Change the subject of my prayer to God, rather than myself, giving Him the glory!
2. Practice prayer without ceasing--acknowledging God in all of my ways.

Here's to a New Year and a renewed relationship with God!

Be holy as the LORD your God is holy

I've been reading Leviticus for my Pentateuch class. We have talked a lot about the laws and customs for cleanliness and God's standard for holiness. At first glance, it seems like lot of pointless information--why do we need to know about all the rules of the law now, when we aren't under that law anymore? I think the answer is that it teaches us who God is.

In Leviticus, if you didn't follow the code of holiness to the letter, you suffered for coming to God in an unholy way. The new covenant is an amazing demonstration of God's love and grace. God is perfect. God is holy. God demands perfection from us, but because we are fallen we cannot meet that demand. God chooses, in His love and mercy, to cover our imperfection with the blood of His son, our sacrificial Lamb, Jesus Christ. I don't think that words can express how amazing God's covenant with His people is. God chooses to overlook our sin and let an undeserving, unholy people come into His presence and worship Him!

I've been thinking that even though we don't have such strict rules to follow now, we should still come to God with the right attitude. I think a lot of times that we "defile" God's sanctuary and His name by the attitude that we choose to worship with. I heard a speaker today talk about holiness. He said that we need to have a strong "signal" in order to be able to communicate with and live in the way a holy God wants us to. I let so much get in the way of God. I choose other things over God. I think, according to Leviticus, that I'm breaking a whole lot of commandments in my heart by the way I live right now. My relationship with God is so broken right now. I know that His love covers my sin, but that does nothing to excuse my part in the covenant. God comes first. God deserves to be first. I just pray that He will help me to put Him in that spot and keep Him there.

Undistracted Devotion

As I've been reading through 1 Corinthians, I think Paul has a central theme of undistracted devotion to God. Although there's only one verse in chapter 7 where he talks about this kind of devotion, it is an implied theme in all of the other verses.

In chapter 8 verse 6, Paul notes that there is only one God and that we exist to serve Him. This is such a simple truth and I'm so used to hearing it in church and at school, but it something we never should get tired of hearing or believing. I know the truth, but I don't live the truth. Practically, living like we exist only to serve God would change our whole attitude in life. It should change the way I interact with people at school or at home. It should change my attitude toward God. My Bible wouldn't just sit on the shelf half the time if I really lived like I existed to serve God.

Also in chapter 8, verse 13, Paul talks about how if something causes his brother to stumble, then he would never be involved with it again. In Paul's case he was referring to food they sacrificed to idols. He wasn't under any law that said he couldn't eat that food, but he did have to remember that his actions might confuse a weaker brother and cause him to stumble. This goes for us too. We are free in Christ, but if our free actions causes a non-believer, or even one of our Christian brothers, to stumble, then we need to stop doing that action IMMEDIATELY.

Chapter 9 follows a similar pattern. Paul goes on to talk about becoming "all things to all people." This is not Paul patronizing or putting a front for people, this is Paul being careful not to offend others with his actions. Now, granted, he can't just bend to people's desires and expectations, he has to act within the realm of Scripture. And in this process Paul talks about how he has to discipline his body to make it his slave so that he won't get to the end of the race of life and find himself disqualified. As Christians we need to do the same. We are in a spiritual battle. We've got to fight and discipline our bodies to follow the leadings and direction of Christ and the Holy Spirit.

This Christian walk isn't easy, but if we are doing what we were made to do--serve God--our life will be filled with so much joy.

It's almost over

I saw TaRanda Greene live this weekend at a Southern Gospel concert and let me tell you, her story spoke to me. Her husband died last year of kidney failure. They'd only been married 10 years and they have two girls who are 3 and 7. That hit me hard because of what I've been struggling with lately. TaRanda had a wonderful life. She was happy, had a husband who she loved, and they had two children. Then one day, her whole world changed when her husband passed away. It reminded me that life is so uncertain. We don't know what will happen to us in the course of a day. God is in control.

There was one central theme at this concert (although I think it is a theme in all Southern Gospel music) that God is all we need and that our time to meet Him is coming soon and we need to be ready!

I was so honored to be able to listen to this concert in the presence of older followers of Christ. They are the ones that the younger generation should look to for inspiration, priority, and purpose. They know what matters: knowing Christ and serving Him. They don't care what this world has to say about our faith. They just want to be with their Savior.

I took that as a challenge to my relationship with God. I have been struggling a lot lately in staying in touch with God. The whole gospel concert experience challenged me to set aside a specific amount of time every day for God. I schedule everything else, so I don't see why I can't schedule time with God too. So that's my challenge to you blog reader! :) Follow God, love Him, serve Him with all your heart. Because at the end of your life, He is all that is going to matter. He is all that will go with us out of this world into eternity. The Christians of today need to get our priorities straight. Set aside that time for God.

Daily Lessons: 1 Corinthians 1 & 2

As I read through 1 Corinthians 1 & 2 these past few days, a few things stuck out.

1. God is wiser and stronger than any man.
2. No man can boast because God is strongest and wisest.
3. We are God's children only because He chose us.
4. To know NOTHING but Christ crucified. He is the only reason we do anything. We have no ground for boasting because Jesus Christ is the reason that we are here.

These are wonderful reminders that I think I usually forget about. God is strongest, wisest, and greatest. He is in control and I am only here because of Him!

The end of a journey...

Over one year ago I started reading through the Bible with a friend. Tomorrow marks the end of this journey. It's been a great one with lots of lessons learned and lots of self-discipline practiced.

That said... I'm a little behind and getting caught up. I read through 1 Peter this afternoon and saw a lot of truths and lessons that I have never noticed before. First, in verse 17 of chapter 1 it says: "If you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one's work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay on earth." That verse really struck me, maybe because of a speaker I heard. He was talking about the way Christians in China conduct themselves. Even though they live in fear of being killed all the time, they do not hesitate to worship God and serve Him. That verse is a call to us as Christians to take our walk with God seriously. We're not to just flit around living life, and claiming the name Christian. We're to live it every day with passion so that the world can see who God is.

Moving on, it seems to be a them in 1 Peter. In chapter 2:20-23, Peter is writing about how we are called to suffer for Christ because that finds favor with God. He says, "and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously." Basically it's the attitude of Christ that we should mimic. We are to live for Christ and, as Christ's followers, we are to be mirrors of Him.

In chapter 3: 3-4 there's a special message for women. It is a small description of what we, as God's children, should be doing. We should not be focusing on ourselves and our appearance, but on our character and heart for God.

Also, verse 15 of chapter 3 says that as followers of Christ we should be able to answer questions that people have about Jesus. We need to be strong enough in our faith to defend and inform people about Jesus.

Chapter 4:8-10 gives very practical advice as to how we should live as Christians.

1. Love one another, love covers a multitude of sins.

2. Be hospitable to one another and don't complain.

3. Serve one another with the gifts that you have and do it only in God's strength.

This is such a beautiful piece of Scripture that basically sums up the attitude that we should have as we live life. I looked at those three and it was just kind of like a slap in the face because they are so simple, so sweet, and yet I don't do them. I am the queen of complaining and I don't do much for others... and when I do I just think about what I deserve later on. I'm not doing things for God or in His strength, but for myself in my own strength.

That is the challenge that I take from 1 Peter--to follow those three commands with a heart giving glory to God.

Don't skip over "all"

I was reading Philippians chapter 2 today and came to verse 14 that says to do "all things without grumbling or disputing." How often do we read that verse and skip over the ALL? I take that verse as a personal challenge to curb my complaints and try to have a more positive attitude about things in life. Or instead of complaining, take my complaints and cares to God and rely on Him for strength. I think that is my biggest fault is that I resort to complaining about everything to try and gain some sense of control over a difficult situation when, in reality, God has all the control and I am just blowing Him off! So as I go into this week, I want to go in with a new perspective. I want to put God first and give Him control over my difficult situations. I am very stressed with all of the reading I have to do for my classes and all the practice I have to do on my instruments. I am running out of time and it is making me very nervous. I know that I can do all things in God's strength, so here I am casting all my cares upon Him for He cares for me. Take this verse as a personal challenge to stop complaining and lean on God for strength!

From Acts to Galatians... catching up

This is kind of how I have been feeling lately. College seems to be a HUGE self-discovery period for me. I learn something new about myself all the time it seems. Last year I learned I was very negative, pessimistic, and anti-social. This year I've learned (before classes have even started) that I stress out about EVERYTHING. I hate it because I feel like a burden to everyone I am around. So then that makes me even more stressed. It's a problem I can't figure out how to shake. So I have a lot of chocolate in my dorm... and if I'm not careful it's gonna be devoured quickly.

I've been reading through the Bible with a friend and finally got caught up today. That's one stress reliever. I am calm, cool, and relaxed when things are in order. But if things are out of order or I don't have a general idea of the plan... it stresses me out. I'm the kind of person I always said I never wanted to be.

Anyway... reading through Romans and 1 Corinthians to catch up on Bible reading has been awesome. Those books of the Bible really hit me with a lot of truth and encouragement about God. Romans is a very theologically challenging book, but it is full of practical advice. They struck me differently as I read them this time because it's something I've been challenged about this summer. Romans 2:1 says: "Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things." I saw a lot of hypocrisy in my life this past year and so reading this verse just kind of challenged me that even though I've changed my behavior especially during this summer, I need to continually be reminded of this truth. I can't demand something from someone that I am not doing myself. That's judgment, that's hypocrisy, and that's wrong.

Another verse that struck me as I read was Romans 2:11: "For there is no partiality with God." This is a simple verse but it's really something I ignore a lot, even if it's subconsciously. I show a lot of partiality based on my level of comfort... but that's not godly behavior. God shows NO partiality and I'm supposed to be imitiating Him.

It was also really cool just to familiarize myself with the "Romans Road" again--the verses in Romans that basically tell someone why they need Christ and how to make Him their LORD.

Romans 5:3-5 present a great challenge to Christians as well. Tribulations bring about perseverance. That's such a tough reminder because I hate tribulations. Ha! I don't like for things to be hard on me. I'm in the middle of a bunch of mini problems I guess and it's really miserable. I am happy and content in my relationship with God, but I'd be even happier if I didn't have this constant pressure. So I just have to remember what verse 4 says... that perseverance brings character, character brings hope and hope doesn't disappoint because God's love fills our heart through the Holy Spirit.

Then that's where Romans 6:14 comes in... sin is not my master! So even though during these times of pressure and stress and tribulation, I don't have to sin. I am freed from sin because I am God's child. So I don't have to cave under sin's pressure. It's so hard, and one of the most difficult challenges a Christian faces--that constant inner battle between flesh and Spirit--I think. But then Romans 6:18 brings a challenge: "And having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness." I'm free from sin and now I am enslaved to righteousness! As a slave I must do that which is righteous. Friend, that is OH SO HARD. Romans 7:18 explains why: "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not." We want to do that what is good, but because of our sin nature we are unable to do it on our own! So even though it seems like we are doing all the work, Jesus is really the one who has fought for us by dying on the cross for our sin. He paid the penalty already and I am free from sin. I am not obligated to do what it wills anymore. I am free to do the good I want to do and because of Christ, I can.

And I think Paul sums up his life purpose in Romans 8:18. This verse, if you think about it for a while, really brings a lot of peace. I'm preaching to myself basically because when I really let this verse sink into the depths of my heart, it relieves all my stress and brings such peace. It says: "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

Anything I suffer in this life is NOTHING compared to how awesome the glory of eternal life in heaven with God will be. I lose sight of this so much in my walk with Christ. I get so caught up in the here and now. I want to be focused on what truly matters. That's what I hope I can work on during this year at school. Taking my focus off of me and my selfishness and focusing entirely on how awesome God is and His promise of eternal life. :)