You are making me new

Before you read through this, click this link and play this song while you read. This is what I have been listening to all day and it speaks to my heart so much.

"God's love is his holy disposition toward all that he has created that compels him to express unconditional affection and selective correction to provide the highest quality of existence, both now and forever, for the object of his love." - Chip Ingram

Lately, living life has been a struggle. I've felt constantly attacked since the beginning of the semester. I've been nervous. I've been depressed. I've been so afraid that I had to drop everything in the middle of the school week and go home just to get myself back together. I've asked so many questions during this time. Why is God letting this happen to me? I feel like I have called out to Him, sought Him, and relied on Him during this time, yet I didn't feel like I was getting any relief. Daily life has become a struggle. I have to fight so hard to keep my heart happy.

 

Today, I got fed up. I started talking to God, sharing my frustrations. I told Him what I knew to be true of Him and what I was feeling and how I didn't know how to decipher between the two. My feelings were not following my knowledge--why?? I pulled a book off of my bookshelf that my Mom gave me a few weeks ago when I was struggling with my perception of God. It's called God: As He Longs For You To See Him, by: Chip Ingram. This chapter opened my eyes to one of the reasons for my struggle: I don't believe that God loves me. I know, it but I don't believe it.

 

As I kept reading through the book, I started to cry. The truths in this chapter touched my heart and I felt peace. I felt like I had some kind of understanding about my struggles. The struggles have not been in vain... they are not in vain. God is not some monster up in the sky who is just tormenting me and playing games with my mind. God LOVES me. Chip Ingram made five points that I want to share here:

1) God's thoughts, intentions, desires, and plans are ALWAYS for my good and NEVER for my harm.

2) God is kind, open, approachable, frank, and EAGER to be my friend.

3) God emotionally identifies with my pain, joy, hopes, and dreams, and has chosen to allow MY happiness to affect His own.

4) He takes pleasure in me just for I am COMPLETELY apart from my performance and/or accomplishments.

5) God is actively and creatively orchestrating people, circumstances, and events to express his AFFECTION and selective correction to provide for my HIGHEST good.

 

These five points revealed something to me.

 

 

 
I am a part of the children's ministry I lead because God LOVES me and He knows how much joy they bring me. He knows how much I love them and how much I long to see their lives impacted by His truth and His love. God knows how much I would learn from them and how much I would grow by being able to serve them for 5 semesters. God put this ministry and these kids in my life because He loves me.

I have these three ladies as my close friends because God loves me. He knew how much they would demonstrate His love and care for me through our Bible studies and just being able to have those people that I can text, Facebook, or call whenever I need ANYTHING. God put these people in my life because He loves me and He knew how much I would need them during this time.

God put this guy in my life because He loves me. God knew how much he would teach me about the love of God. He knew how much he would teach me about sacrifice, love, forgiveness, and grace. God knew how much this guy would be my rock during these times of emotional distress. God put this guy in my life because he shows me God's unchanging, ever-present love. God put this guy in my life because He loves me. God put his family in my life to teach me about love, to help me become a better person, and to learn about who God is!


God gave me this group of people in my life because He loves me. He knew how much I would learn from the two people He made my parents and how much their advice, emotional and spiritual support, and love would demonstrate God's love to me. God gave me my siblings because He knew how much having them in my life would teach me about how God feels about each of us. I love them with a passion. I want to protect them with everything that is in me and I want them to be happy. So, so happy. I hurt when they hurt and I stand up for them when people are coming against them. God gave me these people because He loves me.

God put each of these ladies in my life because He loves me. He knew how much one would teach me about love and understanding. And how another would teach me about thoughtfulness. And how another would teach me about going the extra mile. And how another would teach me about always having someone to come back to. God gave me each of these people because He loves me. God put the girls at my church in my life because He knew how much they would teach me about compassion and love!

God put photography in my life because He knew how much joy it would bring to me. He knew how much fun I would have painting with light, and creating images that people will cherish all of their lives because they are photos of the people they love. He knew how much photography brings joy to my life because it preserves memories--good memories. God gave me photography because He loves me.

And I tried and tried to upload a picture of OCU friends, but there was a connection issue, so I couldn't. But anyway... God gave me my time, friends, bosses, and coworkers at OCU because He knew how much I would GROW from them. He knew how much I would NEED them. He knew how much JOY they would bring me.

God has blessed me so much. And I am starting to understand that He loves me. I still have a long way to go, but He is making me new.