Coping

"If I gave up, he would win."

 

Every day feels like a constant battle. One moment, things are going great and I'm feeling positive and happy, and the next minute I am derailed by a dark and empty apartment. I have gotten frustrated by the constant battle and have wanted to stop trying to get away from it and just let it consume me. I've been reading a book by Dee Henderson called Danger in the Shadows. It's about a rescued kidnapping victim who is still being stalked by her kidnapper. She deals with heavy security, intense fear, and frequent panic attacks. In the most recent chapter, she had an interesting conversation with a friend.

 

". . . How do you deal with this? What gets you back to work on the same day a crisis hits? I saw it the first day we met, and I'm seeing it again today."

 

There was an entire part to Sara that he didn't comprehend. If the trauma of last night didn't knock her down, what if anything ever would?

 

"Adam, I've got great coping skills. Don't mistake that for strength. I deal with the situation because I have no choice. Keeping moving is part of coping. If I let any one crisis stop me, I doubt I would ever move again, they happen so frequently. I have a lifetime of them behind me. . . . Adam, God never gives more than I can handle. . . . I'm really good at praying, 'God, keep me safe.'"

 

It drew an answering smile from him. Adam turned his hand over to grasp hers. "I don't understand why you should have to live like this. It makes no sense that this would be part of God's plan."

 

She took another drink of the hot tea he had brought her. "Dave likes to quote that Scripture from Romans 11 that says: 'How unsearchable are [God's] judgments and how inscrutable his ways!' I don't know when this will end. Honestly, I wonder sometimes if it will be old age. He'll get old and die and the threat will be gone. I may get twenty years of freedom at the end of my life. That's what I hold on to, Adam. A dream of someday being free. . . . didn't you once tell me your dad taught you to play football one down at a time? To focus on the moment?"

 

"Yes."

 

"That's how I have to live my life. One day at a time. I can cope, as long as I never let the big picture overwhelm me."

 

Adam smiled. One play at a time. He had spent a career focusing with that single-minded intensity. If that was what it took to live life while under siege, it could be done. He squeezed her hand. "Thanks, Sara."

 

"For what?"

 

"Not giving up."

 

. . . she quietly said, "Adam, if I gave up, I would lose what I do have. Ellen's upcoming wedding. Finishing this children's book. Going out to dinner with you. If I gave up, he would win" (pp. 210-212).

 

Too many times I let the big picture overwhelm me. I am focused on something in the future that I can't understand yet, and so I lose what I have now. I lose the moment. Part of coping--part of living life--is just doing what you need to do to get through.

 

As a child, I dealt with intense anxiety. I constantly told myself what Scripture says in Matthew 6:25-34, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

 

Years later, I still need to remind myself of that truth. I don't need to let the big picture overwhelm me. I'm worried about my future and about heaven, but that is only sucking the joy out of my life today. God knows it all. God cares for me; He's got it under control. God Himself commands me in Scripture NOT to worry about tomorrow, but to focus only on today! If I choose to give up and not push through, my enemy would win.

 

Wow!

 

I am in awe, yet again. My Father knows me so well that He could reveal such a powerful truth to me through a fictional story written in 1999.  What a mighty God we serve!

 

So here's to living life. Here's to pushing through. Here's to coping.



Questioning God

"'O Sovereign LORD, what good are all your blessings when I don't even have a son?'" - Genesis 15:2a

 

Have you ever questioned God?

 

Lately, that's what I've been doing. Today, due to the advice of a professor, I began reading through Genesis with the intent of seeing it as what it is--a narrative. What I learned from this exercise is incredibly challenging and so very much like my God.

 

Abraham's story begins in Genesis 12. And what an interesting story it is. In chapter 12, God calls Abram out of his land and promises to make Abram a great nation. However, at the first sign of trouble, Abram gets scared. He lies to Pharaoh and says that his wife, Sarai, is actually his sister. In chapter 13, Abram and his nephew Lot decide to part ways due to conflict between their herdsmen. After they part, God reaffirms His promise to make Abram a great nation. Uncle Abram comes to Lot's rescue in chapter 14 and then, in chapter 15:1, God tells Abram "Do not be afraid, Abram, for I will protect you, and your reward will be great." Abram's response surprised me. In 15:2, Abram said to God, "O Sovereign LORD, what good are all your blessings when I don't even have a son?"

 

Wait. What was that?

 

Abraham--the father of nations, the man remembered in Hebrews for his great faith--questioned God's goodness. He had received a promise from God and that promise was affirmed two more times. But Abram wasn't seeing anything happen. As far as he understood, in order to be a great nation, he had to have an heir. Abram was painfully aware of the fact that he did NOT have an heir. He couldn't see how God's promise could ever come to fruition. God's response amazed me and put a smile on my face.

 

In 15:5 it says that "the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, 'Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That's how many descendants you will have!'" God heard Abram's doubts and fears and, in response, He lovingly affirmed the truth. I picture God in such a real way here, putting His arm around Abram and leading Him outside, stretching out His hand to show Abram the wonder of His promise.

What happened next was even more amazing to me.

 

In 15:6 it says "Abram believed the LORD, and the LORD counted him as righteous because of his faith." Did you catch that? Abram questioned God's goodness 4 verses ago, God comforted him and told him what was true, and then Abram BELIEVED God. Even though he was questioning God's goodness, Abram believed what God told Him was true. This made me realize something.

 

Although I am questioning God's goodness right now, although I don't understand a lot of things right now, I know what God says in His Word is true. So although it doesn't FEEL like it is true right now, I can believe God ANYWAY.

 

God has lovingly put His arm around me, smiled, and said, "Korrin... my plan is so much greater than what you can see right now. Just know that what I say is true and will be realized sometime in the future. Trust me."

 

This is so much easier said than done, but I am so blessed to have an amazing God who accepts my questioning and loves and comforts me through it. I may not feel like everything He is doing right now is good, but I can believe that it is anyway because of what He says in His word. What an amazing God He is!