Sovereign

"But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head." - Psalm 3:3

God is sovereign... in every circumstance. I've been reading in the book "Respectable Sins", and was really impacted by the reminder that God has a plan for every circumstance we encounter. I read Psalm 2 and 3 today and noticed a thought pattern in chapter 2 that has been my thought pattern too. It seems like the people being written about in that chapter are planning something; they're getting riled up and worried. They're trying to take control of a situation, but God is looking down on them, shaking His head at their ignorance.

I have that same thought pattern. I've encountered several tremendously difficult situations lately and I have been in a panic. I've been grasping at anything but God trying to fix the problem. I can only imagine God looking down, shaking His head at me. My actions and emotions do not communicate that I trust God and believe He is doing what's best for me.

Psalm 3 seemed to be a redeeming thought of sorts after chapter 2. The people first were in a state of not trusting God demonstrated in their thoughts and actions. Now, in chapter 3, they're recognizing their dependence on God. They recognize that God has a plan; He shields them and sustains them. He gives them peace. The people seem to have come to a recognition of God's sovereignty in their situation.

I'm counting this struggle as a blessing. I was talking to a friend about how I have had a spiritually interesting week and they responded by saying that it was better than dull and stagnant. I couldn't agree more. Even though this time has been (and still is) so emotionally exhausting, I am finally starting to learn. I am starting to hear from God again... and that's the best thing I could ever ask for.

Sin

"O Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger, nor chasten me in Your wrath. Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am pining away; heal me, O LORD, for my bones are dismayed. . . . I am weary with my sighing; every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief; it has become old because of all my adversaries." - Psalm 6:1-2, 6-7

Those verses have been my song for the past week. It has been ROUGH. I've never experienced such brokenness, depression, and sadness. It's so hidden away; only two people know about it specifically. I've been faced with the issue of sin in my life. It started with a Sunday morning sermon about sin; I was bothered by the fact I couldn't think of any "sin" in my life. I started reading a book called "Respectable Sins." This book has been an eye opener. On top of that, chapel services at my school have been addressing this idea too, challenging me to strengthen my relationship with God by saturating myself in the Word.

The chapter I read today in the book "Respectable Sins" talked about the sins of anxiety, worry, and frustration. I started out reading Psalm 1. One of the phrases says "Blessed is the man . . . who does not stand in the path of sinners." Based on my reading of this book "Respectable Sins," the path of sinners is filled with ungodliness, anxiety, worry, and frustration. And, to top it off, verse 3 says this: "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night." Saturation in Scripture.

The concept this book pointed out to me is that God is sovereignly in control of all actions, and he has a good reason for allowing EVERY single thing in my life. I need to think of God and His plan rather than resorting to any of the feelings I have been (depression, sadness, frustration, and anger). The verse this book pointed was from Psalm 139:16b: "And in your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." Every day of my life (and everything in it!) is planned out by God. There is a purpose and plan for every circumstance I encounter in life.

Rather than sinning by getting frustrated and anxious about every situation I encounter, the godly way to deal with this is to acknowledge God's hand in the situation. The book offers this prayer as a sample: "This circumstance is part of Your plan for my life today. Help me to respond in faith and in a God-honoring way to Your providential will. And then please give me wisdom to know how to address the situation that tends to cause the frustration."

To try and start saturating myself in Scripture, I went to Malachi--the chapter headings spoke to me about what I've been dealing with. Verses that stuck out to me talked about insincere sacrifices (1:10, 13), and callousness toward God (2:17). Malachi seems to deal with a lot of insincere and ignorant people--people who think they can get away with giving less than their best to God, or who don't spend enough time with God to know what pleases Him. Well... that's me! I'm this horrendous, sinful creature who doesn't know the first thing about what pleases God. All I know is that I've got to change my heart attitude, but that I can only do that with God's help.

If you're reading this, would you pray for me? Pray that I'd be receptive to God's ordained circumstances and that I'd be able to start living with an awareness of His plan and turn to Him instead of getting frustrated.