This is kind of how I have been feeling lately. College seems to be a HUGE self-discovery period for me. I learn something new about myself all the time it seems. Last year I learned I was very negative, pessimistic, and anti-social. This year I've learned (before classes have even started) that I stress out about EVERYTHING. I hate it because I feel like a burden to everyone I am around. So then that makes me even more stressed. It's a problem I can't figure out how to shake. So I have a lot of chocolate in my dorm... and if I'm not careful it's gonna be devoured quickly.
I've been reading through the Bible with a friend and finally got caught up today. That's one stress reliever. I am calm, cool, and relaxed when things are in order. But if things are out of order or I don't have a general idea of the plan... it stresses me out. I'm the kind of person I always said I never wanted to be.
Anyway... reading through Romans and 1 Corinthians to catch up on Bible reading has been awesome. Those books of the Bible really hit me with a lot of truth and encouragement about God. Romans is a very theologically challenging book, but it is full of practical advice. They struck me differently as I read them this time because it's something I've been challenged about this summer. Romans 2:1 says: "Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things." I saw a lot of hypocrisy in my life this past year and so reading this verse just kind of challenged me that even though I've changed my behavior especially during this summer, I need to continually be reminded of this truth. I can't demand something from someone that I am not doing myself. That's judgment, that's hypocrisy, and that's wrong.
Another verse that struck me as I read was Romans 2:11: "For there is no partiality with God." This is a simple verse but it's really something I ignore a lot, even if it's subconsciously. I show a lot of partiality based on my level of comfort... but that's not godly behavior. God shows NO partiality and I'm supposed to be imitiating Him.
It was also really cool just to familiarize myself with the "Romans Road" again--the verses in Romans that basically tell someone why they need Christ and how to make Him their LORD.
Romans 5:3-5 present a great challenge to Christians as well. Tribulations bring about perseverance. That's such a tough reminder because I hate tribulations. Ha! I don't like for things to be hard on me. I'm in the middle of a bunch of mini problems I guess and it's really miserable. I am happy and content in my relationship with God, but I'd be even happier if I didn't have this constant pressure. So I just have to remember what verse 4 says... that perseverance brings character, character brings hope and hope doesn't disappoint because God's love fills our heart through the Holy Spirit.
Then that's where Romans 6:14 comes in... sin is not my master! So even though during these times of pressure and stress and tribulation, I don't have to sin. I am freed from sin because I am God's child. So I don't have to cave under sin's pressure. It's so hard, and one of the most difficult challenges a Christian faces--that constant inner battle between flesh and Spirit--I think. But then Romans 6:18 brings a challenge: "And having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness." I'm free from sin and now I am enslaved to righteousness! As a slave I must do that which is righteous. Friend, that is OH SO HARD. Romans 7:18 explains why: "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not." We want to do that what is good, but because of our sin nature we are unable to do it on our own! So even though it seems like we are doing all the work, Jesus is really the one who has fought for us by dying on the cross for our sin. He paid the penalty already and I am free from sin. I am not obligated to do what it wills anymore. I am free to do the good I want to do and because of Christ, I can.
And I think Paul sums up his life purpose in Romans 8:18. This verse, if you think about it for a while, really brings a lot of peace. I'm preaching to myself basically because when I really let this verse sink into the depths of my heart, it relieves all my stress and brings such peace. It says: "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us."
Anything I suffer in this life is NOTHING compared to how awesome the glory of eternal life in heaven with God will be. I lose sight of this so much in my walk with Christ. I get so caught up in the here and now. I want to be focused on what truly matters. That's what I hope I can work on during this year at school. Taking my focus off of me and my selfishness and focusing entirely on how awesome God is and His promise of eternal life. :)
