Preparing to die.

I recently fell in love with the movie Titanic. My sister can't understand why. I know why. As soon as I saw on my computer screen the Titanic straight up in the air ready to sink, I prayed the prayer "God prepare me for death." I know that the movie is full of actors and special effects, but the event really happened. I was watching the story of Jack and Rose unfold and knew that if I was Rose and I was faced with death, I would not handle it so courageously. Why not? If I died, I would be with the God who saved me.

Why am I so scared to die? I don't know why, I guess it's human nature. We WANT to live. We fight to live. In the Titanic everyone knew that they were going to die, yet they still continued to fight to make it to the top of the ship, to spend just one more minute living -- even if they lived that minute in fear. I guess we need that drive to live in this life, otherwise we would just give up. If God didn't place that desire in us when He created us, we would give up far too easily.

I am not ready to die yet. But I pray that simple prayer to God: "God prepare me for death." I want to face my death with courage. I don't want to die in fear. God has been putting this on my heart so much lately, He's been preparing me for death. Death is going to come one day, I finally comprehend that. Whether God allows me to live until I'm 85 with a husband and six kids, or whether He chooses that I die from cancer, or from a car wreck, I must be prepared. That is the prayer of my heart. I want my ending to be beautiful, pleasing to God. God, prepare ME for death.

And as a little side note, Titanic made me realize why guys are made to be the leaders. I know that it's a story and that there are special effects involved, but Rose never would've made it off the Titanic if it weren't for Jack. During the whole movie Jack protected Rose. He taught her, strengthened her, led her, helped her not to fear. His strength, his love, pulled her through. Rose never would've pushed through freezing temperatures and losing the only man she loved if it weren't for Jack. It's like that Bible verse "Greater love has no man that this: that he lay down his life for his friends."

So I end this blog not as a praising of how great the Titanic is... but as how great our God is! God could've have allowed the sinking of the Titanic to happen because he was thinking of me. The day when the script writer penned the story line, God had me in mind. God has been preparing me for death even before I was born. It may sound silly to some, but I've been learning that God works in weird ways, and that God allows EVERYTHING to happen for a reason. It's not far fetched or wrong to think that God let the Titanic to happen because He had me in mind. It just shows me that somewhere, somehow, God makes beauty rise from the ashes.

Father God, prepare me for death. Make my ending beautiful in your eyes. Make my life a witness to all who see me. In Your name I pray, Amen.

The joy of following.

Lately I've been learning that God is very purposeful. I heard a quote by someone, I think it was Chip Ingram, and he said: "Nothing comes into our lives by accident. It is either decreed or allowed by an All-Wise, Sovereign God for our good."

I've heard talk of spiritual battles, but never really knew what that really meant. In this newest season of my life, God has been using an intense spiritual battle to teach me more about Him. God pretty much took my understanding of Him and turned it upside down. All I could see in front of me was how hard serving Him is, and I didn't like it at all! I spent several days just thinking. I didn't pray, I didn't open my Bible, I didn't talk to anyone about what I was thinking. I think we hear God the best when we are struggling, because then we're really listening and searching for Him. I finally began understanding, and accepting, things about God that I wasn't so sure I liked.

God has used so many things in this time of struggle to teach me. My favorite band, BarlowGirl, has been one of those things He's used. Today I saw this video and it TOTALLY summarizes how I feel about this struggle I'm in. The Christian life is hard, yes, but instead of complaining and whining about it why not enjoy it? Spend your time on earth praising, thanking and serving God! http://www.barlowgirl.com/media/videos/lessons-learned-our-journey?eml=062310

Music is a prominent thing in my life and God uses it to it's fullest to teach and inspire! So sing along with this song as you celebrate the privilege of being a part of God's family!

"We are the redeemed
We are the ones who are free

And we belong to Jesus.
We are now alive

And in this world we will shine

Cause we belong to Jesus."

("We Shine" - Stellar Kart)

Counting the Cost.

I decided to follow Christ when I was eleven years old. My Dad is a Pastor, has been for my entire life, but never did I understand true cost of following Christ.

Did you know that the way Christians live today in the United States is not normal? Everyday we hear reports of persecuted Christians. They know the risk of following Christ, and yet they continue to follow. Christ said that the world would hate Christians. (Matthew 10:22 "You will be hated by all because of My name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved.").

I found myself sitting in church thinking, "This is what the God who says he loves us is asking us to do?" There are things on this earth that I enjoy and that I want to experience. I haven't given those over to God yet. I think that He is using this past Sunday sermon to pry apart the grip I have on those things.

The cost of following Christ is high and I don't think I ever realized how high.

"If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, 'This man began to build and was not able to finish.' "Or what king, when he sets out to meet another king in battle, will not first sit down and consider whether he is strong enough with ten thousand men to encounter the one coming against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions. Therefore, salt is good; but if even salt has become tasteless, with what will it be seasoned? It is useless either for the soil or for the manure pile; it is thrown out. He who has ears to hear, let him hear." (Luke 14:26-35)

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of GOd, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything to stand firm." (Ephesians 6:12-13)

I understand what God asks of me now, and I feel like I'm kind of starting over. I'm learning about the God I chose to serve six years ago. I've learned that he isn't just some fluffy worship song. God is intense, merciful, awesome, gracious, forgiving, loving, and - I hope to know someday - totally worth it.

"We will abandon it all for the sake of the call
No other reason at all but the sake of the call
Wholly devoted to live and to die
For the sake of the call." - Steven Curtis Chapman; For the Sake of the Call

His Word doesn't change...

I came across a song today by Bethany Dillon, it's called "In the Beginning" and it's based off of John 1:1 - "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God..." It really touched me because this is something I've struggled with for quite a while. I have a hard time motivating myself to get into the Word and to study. I feel like I never get anything when I go to the Word. This song reminded me that even when the rain pours - rain would be bad things in your life - God's Word is still there, and you can never come away empty. It was really encouraging too at this point in my life because since this situation with my brother has happened, I've been even more discouraged and depressed. I'm thankful for the people God has put in my life that are praying for my brother - it's comforting to know that even when I can't pray (or don't feel like it), that God has someone intervening for me.

God is working, and it's been an incredible blessing. I just hope that soon that will start to flow over into my heart, because living with this knowledge of God and what I'm "supposed" to do... and not doing anything is very discouraging.

I continue to sing the words God placed on my heart:

"Even as the rain and snow come down

and do not return empty,
Making it bear fruit and sprout,

so Your Word will be..."